The Ladder of Love

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After I survived my first year as a middle school teacher, I was exhausted but pretty pleased with myself. I had made my way through those days dealing with one hundred and fifty seventh graders and there were only two students who I really disliked. Some were much easier to like than the others, but I found something redeeming in all but two.

It was about halfway through that summer that I realized what an idiot I was. These were twelve- and thirteen-year-olds. They were just kids. How could I dislike any of them, no matter how unlikeable they were? It became a first rule of education for me. As a teacher, as a leader, you must love them all.

As I grew older, I realized that this applies to adults as well as kids, because we are all still learning and growing—we are all still a work in progress. While I am as imperfect as anyone else, it is my goal to live out that maxim.

This movement from an example to an all-encompassing approach has ancient roots. In The Symposium, Plato tells of a conversation about romantic love. After guests at a party share descriptions of love that would not sound unfamiliar in the popular culture of today, Socrates recounts what he learned from Diotima of Mantinea. She believes love is far more than a feeling, that it is a means of overcoming our mortality. Raising children is one way, but she sees works of beauty and inspirational acts that are remembered for generations as greater. Diotima places ideas of love on a ladder, where the first step is loving the physical beauty of another. Once we realize that such beauty is fleeting, we may step up to seeing the beauty of another’s soul. If our maturation continues, we see the qualities of that beautiful soul, such as kindness and courage, in others—and then we work to create a world where these attributes are valued and cultivated.

At the top of her ladder is the conception of good itself, the beholding of beauty everlasting and beyond compare. In it is the realization of a life worth living and the transcendence of mortality.

The ladder is a metaphor that captures a recurring theme for Plato, his theory of the forms, which requires the pursuit of a more perfect understanding of the true reality of pure, eternal essences. It resonates still today, but it is too abstract for many. You see this in the New Testament, where Jesus understands the need for a concrete example. When he states that you should love your neighbor as yourself, he is immediately asked “who is my neighbor?” He then shares the parable of the Good Samaritan to make the idea clear and memorable.

The parable reverberates through the history of western thought. It came to mind when I read the teachings of Elder Zosima in Fyodor Dostoevsky’s classic, The Brothers Karamazov. The Elder states that everyone is personally responsible for everyone else’s sins. This seems like an absurd idea when it is first introduced, but as the Elder nears death and his understanding of love is shared in more detail, I saw it as the story of the Good Samaritan taken to its ultimate end: A love, grounded in humility and responsibility, for all of our sisters and brothers.

As we prepare to celebrate Valentine’s Day, I challenge you to ascend the ladder. It is a climb that may take a lifetime, but it will be well worth it.

Kevin Beardmore, Ed.D., is President of Southeast New Mexico College. He may be reached at kbeardmore@senmc.edu or 575.234.9211